The Waifers

Welcome to The Waifers website. Only here can you listen to The Waifers, read their story, send a message and generally hang about contributing nothing to society - just like The Waifers themselves.

If you stay too long, you might find yourself thinking, this is rather a nice place after all. Kicking your shoes off. Leaning back in your chair. Fixing a nice drink for yourself. That would be a mistake. In the blink of an eye, you will find your shoes (and maybe even your socks) gone and your glass empty.

With that warning in mind, please, by all means, make yourself comfortable...

The Waifers are free to share under a Creative Commons Sharing License There is no DRM or any of that junk. You can share The Waifers to your hearts content, but can't sell or use them for commercial purposes without permission.

Once upon a time, my friends and I had a band called "The Goods". We named it after Chuck Berry's Johnny B. Goode, because:

1) We loved all music from the 50's and 60's

2) It was the only song we could play that sounded remotely like the song we were trying to play.

We spent uncountable hours playing in my friend Daryl's parents basement in Saline, MI - long before it became a connected neighborhood of Ann Arbor. It was a great time. We'd practice our songs, drink Vernors and talk about music non-stop. We schemed and dreamed and hoped we'd be good enough to get out of the basement.

One day, we decided to practice in the backyard (that's kind of getting out of the basement, isn't it?) and one of Daryl's neighbors heard us. She said they were going to have a birthday party for her grandfather who was turning 80 years old and asked if we could play.

We looked at each other, did a quick count of how many songs we had learned and realized, maybe this was it. Maybe this was our "break". Maybe Grandad was actually president of Epic Records or something, so we said, "Yes!".

By this time we had maybe 20 songs, so we spent the following weeks figuring out how to stretch a 2 minute song like Buddy Holly's Peggy Sue into a 5-10 minute grand production. There was a lot synchronized jumping as I remember.

The day arrived and we were ready. We setup in the backyard next to the potato salad and fried chicken table and started into our "set". People were in a good mood and fortunately they were on their second keg of the day, so it was a nice, mellow crowd. Some little kids were even dancing in front of us. We figured it was a good sign that a sober person was dancing, even if they were only 5.

To finish the first set, we closed with our best song thinking:

1) Finish strong and leave 'em wanting more AND

2) Maybe, just maybe, with some additional keg time they'd forget all of the second set (which was going to be filled with painful 10-20 minute versions of 2-minute songs).

Suddenly, to our amazement after the classic "Johnny B. Goode" opening guitar riff, everbody got up and started dancing. We looked at each other and were thinking, Wow! All that work perfecting "Johhny B. Goode" has really payed off. This truly is the power of rock n roll!

Out of nowhere, a couple of girls appeared, dragging, the 80 year-old guest of honor into the dancing mob. The scrum cleared and formed one of those dance circles where people try to out-do each with slick moves in the center - kind of like that movie "Dirty Dancing", except this was the G-rated version of that.

The birthday boy was having a great time and all the daughters and grandaughters were taking turns at the center dancing with him. Everybody joined in the chorus, "Go. Go Johnny Go Go Go".

It was then, when someone yelled out "You go Johnny!", and grandpa started duck-walking, that we realized the 80-year old family patriarch's name was, in fact, yes, Johnny. We closed the set to thunderous applause.

After a "short break", during which we made sure no ones beer glass ran dry, we started into our second set.

We thought we'd kick it off with our version of "Twist and Shout". Whose legs don't start moving when they hear that one? This would certainly pick up where we left off and get the party rolling again.

The response? Crickets. Nothing. Not even the 5 year-olds moved from their seats. We were starting to sweat.

Then, as if from the wilderness, a lone voice from the back shouted: "Johnny B. Goode!". After a quick, on-stage conference, we decided that our plan to liquor-up the crowd had gone horribly wrong. Instead of a happy, yet memory-impaired group of party goers, we had created a monster.

We started into "Johnny" and as if a light switch had been turned on, the crowd left their seats and started dancing again. We repeated that song 3 times to complete the set. And good, old Johhny never stopped dancing. I think our drummer's arms fell off at some point toward the end.

So by now, you are asking yourself: What does this have to do with The Waifers?

Well, all I can say is the inspiration for The Waifers comes from many places; a ride on a train, a backyard picnic, you never know. One thing's for sure. I'll always be grateful to Chuck Berry for writing "Johnny B. Goode".

If you like The Waifers, shout it out! Say "Waahhh!" or "Yaaaay!" or "WooHoo!" . There is a special cosmic wavelength on which I receive all these good vibrations and I thank you for sending out positive feelings my way. I do need a little cheering up now and then you know.

But in case you aren't connected to the cosmic wavelength network (the service plan is awfully pricey), you can send a message right here for free.

Notice how I just gave you absolutely nothing, but made you feel as if you were getting something valuable?

If you've learned anything, I hope you've learned to be wary of all things related to The Waifers. They are a hungry, tricky bunch. There. I've warned you and you can't say I haven't.

If you enjoy The Waifers, buy a CD. In fact, buy a few so you can put one wherever you have a CD player. Your car, your girlfriends house, your boyfriends house. Both? That's not my business. Wherever.

What's that? You don't have a CD player anymore, because you trashed it when you got your iPod? Yea, well, ok. So did I. Still, don't you like holding the record and reading the liner notes and studying the pictures and all that stuff? Oh wait. I haven't done that either since I bought my last 33 1/3 album which was long ago and far away. I just pretended to read the tiny text on my CDs all those years. Alright. Nevermind. Just forget it. This bit was a cheap ploy to get you to buy a CD. In fact, I got greedy and tried to persuade you to buy more than one CD. That was very tricky of me, don't you think? I hope you've learned a lesson: Be highly suspicious of anything a Waifer tells you.

Let me just say one more thing on this whole buy a CD topic. Imagine that you are walking in the wilderness one morning and you get lost. You survive on bugs and berries for a few days, but your situation starts to get pretty grim. Suddenly, you hear a plane flying overhead. You start jumping up and down and waving your arms frantically. As you are trying to spell "HELP" really fast with logs, you hear the drone of the airplane's engine disappear into the distance.

That's when you'll think : "If I only had purchased that Waifers CD and kept it with me at all times. It was so inexpensive and the price included shipping too. It even shipped internationally. I could have used it as an emergency reflecting device and signaled the pilot who could have picked me up. I could be popping it into the planes' CD player right now (fortunately it's an older plane) and I could be listening to my favorite Waifer on the way home. Worthless, old, rotten logs."

So you see, if you buy a Waifers CD, it could actually save your life someday. But if you'd rather be eating millipedes and roots in the woods, well then, that's your choice. I've been there and really can't recommend you eat anything with dirt on it.

CD available exclusively by sending a message on the cosmic wavelength network.

Now you've created quite a problem for yourself, haven't you? And you are expecting me to come to your aid in this desparate situation? As a rule, a Waifer doesn't offer assistance to another unless some type of food or drink is promised up-front. However, you seem like a decent person. Someone who might one day repay a debt in-kind perhaps? So just this once, you may...

STOP the Mayhem!

The Waifers were written and recorded in broad daylight and sometimes with the light of a dangling 40-something Watt bulb by Dan Latham. The lovely and talented Mike Weidenfeller plays all keyboards, lead guitar on "Coming of the Glory" and slide guitar on "Writing on the Wall". Final mix and mastering was done by the always groovy David Franz at Underground Sun. Graphics by Tacey at The Artworks Shop.